Somtimes I need a reminder of the fact that I can do this. And why I’m doing this –
maybe , no maybe, I know I am vain. But I don’t care. I’m partly doing this for my health, but overall I’m not happy with the way I look. I feel unattractive. It has, at times, put a strain on my relationship with the one I love because I feel so unattractive. There have been some very bad days because of it. My weight shouldn’t be coming between the one I love & myself.
In the Summer of 2011 I was about 180 pounds. My body was happy there. I could still go out with friends & have a good time. I could enjoy a couple beers & some wings with the one I love. I realized much smaller than that & I couldn’t do those things. 180 was my happy point. And I was happy there.
It’s not a race. I can’t expect the weight to come off overnight, just like it didn’t go on overnight – although some nights I’m sure helped add pounds more than others.
I’ve looked at recent pictures of myself & I’m just not happy. I see how much weight I’ve gained in the past year. I was so close to my goal when I met the one I love, and now I’m so far away from it.
I emotional ate my way through the last 1/2 of the Summer. I stress ate my way through the Fall. Life took over & my diet went out the window.
I’m trying to regain control of myself & my eating. And most days I’m good. Tomorrow will be a test of that, but I’m prepared for it. My body isn’t happy at this weight. I get winded going up a fleight of stairs. My clothes don’t fit comfortably. But only I can control that.
It sucks walking down memory lane – thanks Facebook! But sometimes it’s needed. There’s a quote I’ve heard, “Think about how far you have gone, not about how far you still have to go” I need to remember that so often.
My journey has been a long one. I was where I wanted to be and now I’m back to where I don’t want to be. But I can’t focus on that part of it. Because I’m still down from my highest weight ever – and I’m down from where I was a coupld months ago.
Sometimes I just need to remind myself that this is a called a weight loss JOURNEY for a reason. It’s not quick. It won’t happen overnight. It’s going to take time. And energy. And lots of effert & planning. It’s hard work. Lots of hard work. But I have to chose my hard – healthy, thinner & ultimately happier; or unhealthy, overweight, & very unhappy.
Today’s Plan of Attack:
B: Oatmeal & Coffee. -4
S: Banana. -0
L: Salad w/ lots of yummies, carrots w/ hummus. -12
S: Apple. -0
S: Greek yogurt. -2
D: ??? Sadly, probably something on the road. Maybe Subway. I still have 18pts after I’ve tracked everything else.