Sometimes I wish I had all the answers

It really would make life so much easier.

I know the answer isn’t at the bottom of a bottle of wine. Or in all the chocolate in the word. But sometimes they both help.

There has been a lot discussed between the one I love & myself. Lots of emotions I’m feeling. I’m not liking it. I don’t know what to do. I don’t have the answers.

I wish I did.

I’m feeling so lost & confused. I love him with all my heart but I just don’t know that we are meant to be. I know I can see myself with him 5, 10, even 50 years down the road.  But I don’t know that our roads are going to follow the same path. And he doesn’t either.

And there are other emotions. Other feelings getting mixed in & just messing all of this up.

I just want a hug. And to cry. And for someone to give me the answers.

I spent 12pts last night on chocolate. It’s possible I’ll do the same thing tonight.

I’ve barely eaten today. I had coffee for breakfast. A SmartOnes for lunch. And about 2 sips of water the rest of the day. I just have zero appetite. Zero desire to eat. I’m just feeling drained.

Drained of everything.

I need answers.

And it’s hard to talk to the one I love. We have such opposite schedules. It’s just difficult.

We need to discuss things. Figure things out. Where we stand. Where we’re going. But we just can’t seem to get it together.

And I need to not focus on these feelings to night. I need to focus on my final exam. And my final project. I need to worry about school. And my nutrition. And actually eat something.

But I just can’t.

***

Today’s Plan of Attack:

B: Coffee. -0
L: Smart Ones. -8
D: ??? chocolate & wine?

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