But not in a totally bad way.
It all started with the constant reminders of that awful day 12 years ago. I’m sure we all know exactly where we were at that moment in time. I was in the 10th grade. English class with Ms. Tracey. She had red hair, used a cane, always wore a floor length skirt. She was full of piss & vinegar. I loved her class. From there I went to Math. The administration was still telling teachers that we needed to continue on with our day as normal, but they were allowed to turn on the news, just had to continue to teach. We had block schedules – 90 minutes per class. My math teacher, Mr. Rowe, posted 1 problem on the board as a pop quiz. That’s all we did. We were in a part of the school that did not have cable. We listened to a radio for the entire class period. Kids were being picked up from school all day long. No one knew what was going on or what this meant for us. We were all scared but still, in some weird way, care free. We knew this meant life would change, but we had no idea how much. And because we were all cut off, or maybe not old enough to understand, life seemed to continue as normal. At least until I got home. My mom had been crying, probably all day knowing her.
Looking back, I realize how much it has changed my life. How many of my friends joined the service because of that fateful day. How much it still continues to change the lives of many. And how on that day, so many men and women, young and old, were lost.
And now, after typing all that, this just feels like a pretty shitty thing to talk about. Petty, I guess would be a better word.
I’m working with my cheats-a-lot coworker today and tomorrow. Like, all the time. I’ve known her for 5 years, and can think of probably 5 different guys, since I’ve known her, she’s cheated on her husband with. Not all sex, though. Sometimes its just texting or flirting – lots of it. Sometimes heavy petting or fooling around. Either way, she’s got a problem.
And of course now there is another guy. At least she’s realized how much she’s ruining her relationship, and has started therapy for all of this. She has not directly talked to me about any of this, and I’ve been ok with that, until today. When she decided it was time I needed to be brought up to speed about what’s going on.
I hate it. I truly do. When she starts in on all this I cringe. It’s all I can do to hold it together and not blast her for her actions. It just brings back all of these memories from the incident. And it makes me feel sick to my stomach. And yes, I realize it’s been a year. And for the most part I am totally over the incident – minus the fact that I still refuse to watch/read anything where the main story is about cheating, and I can not watch “Get Him to the Greek” without crying. I’m so happy I decided to work things out with the one I love. We have our ups and downs, and we fight to bring our relationship back every time. We are getting better as time goes on.
And I know the biggest reason said coworker doesn’t mention these issues to me is because I tell her exactly how her husband is feeling. And she doesn’t like it. She doesn’t like the attention being turned to him. The fact that I don’t take any pity in her, and instead side with her husband. Oh no, doesn’t like it at all. I swear I think I almost made her cry earlier. Maybe this is harsh of me, but don’t come to me for advise and expect me to sugar coat things, especially when I think you’re fucking up & can totally relate to how your husband is feeling.
Maybe she won’t talk about it tomorrow.
Who am I kidding? She will.
I texted the one I love. I told him that his job tonight is lots of cuddles. That I love him and I’m so glad we worked through things. That I hope we make it forever. I don’t want to be her in 10 years.