Are you ever embarrassed to eat in front of people?
It could be a certain type of food. Like how I hate eating bone-in wings around anyone other than Mr. Chocolate, or how I hate eating chocolate in front of attractive men. (Mr. Chocolate doesn’t count here – he is super attractive, but he understands my love affair with chocolate.) And I don’t like eating more than one plate of food at a gathering because I feel like people are judging me for eating too much.
I feel judged when I eat these things. Or guilty for indulging. I feel like people will think I’m fat if I eat a brownie after eating Taco Bell (which, by the way, Taco Bell now has a pretty decent brownie – especially if you microwave it first!). I feel ashamed of the way I look when I eat these things.
This mindset is NOT a healthy one. Because all it leads to is secret eating. Instead of eating these things in front of people I wait, and then eat them in hiding where no one can see me. I’ll wait until Mr. Chocolate isn’t home and order the pizza I love – and I’ll eat
almost half of it. Or wait for my coworker to leave the room and eat 4 pieces of candy. And because I wait, I binge eat.
I need to refocus my relationship with food. I need to not be ashamed to eat certain foods, but instead be proud of myself and the fact that I can indulge in these foods – in moderation (that’s the key word there). I need to realize that I can eat these foods out in the open. I can eat them until I am satisfied, not sick. I don’t have to feel ashamed for eating these things.
So my current goal is to get my eating under control. Try not to binge. Try not to emotional eat. Try to be mindful of how much I’m eating.