So yeah. I’m struggling at the weight loss thing.
And honestly, I’m just tired of trying. I’m tired of counting. Of planning. Of stressing.
Of the panic thoughts of “Oh goodness! Mr Chocolate wants to go out to dinner but I’ve already pre-planned & pre-tracked all of this healthy food!” And of the “Oh, I can’t eat that.” Even when on my “diet” I could eat that.
I want freedom from food. And I think the best way for me to go about getting freedom from food is to stop stressing over food. I will still be making smart choices. I will still be planning. And cooking. But I will also not be stressing about what to have for dinner. And pre-planning to the T. And pre-tracking. Because I won’t be tracking. I’ll be eating smarter, not harder.
And if the scale comes down, YAY! And if not, it’s time to love the body I HAVE. Not the body I want.
I am still buying healthier foods. And I’m going to be watching my portion. But damnit, if I want ice cream for dessert I’m going to have ice cream! And if I want to make lasagna that is loaded with meat & cheese I’m going to make it!
I can’t keep stressing. Because stressing is causing me to have a very unhealthy relationship with food. I find myself stressing over my next meal. And then because I want to be so good and so perfect I end up secret eating. And because I’m secret eating I usually end up binge eating while I’m at it. This is not a healthy relationship with food, even if the scale is moving in a downward direction. My happiness is more important than that. And when I’m doing that, I’m not happy.
So here’s to the lasagna, the glass of wine, the ice cream. The freedom to have carbs at every meal and to eat the ooey gooey cheesy goodness. Here’s to a healthy relationship with food.