I have been for about a month now.
I’d be lying if I didn’t say I had some inclination towards the end that it was coming. I knew things were getting rough, but I didn’t think we were to the point of breaking up. I apparently had no idea what was running through his head.
I don’t fault him. I don’t have hard feelings. I hope one day we can be friendly since we have so many of the same friends. He told me he didn’t want to get married or have a family. And that’s understandable. I’m glad he told me now instead of 6 months or even 6 years down the road. I think telling me now was brave. He could have gone along with what society says we should do – get engaged, get married, have kids. Instead he did what was right for both of us. He ended things peacefully and gave me the chance to have those things in life with someone who does want those things. Someone who doesn’t have any reservations about having that life.
I haven’t really been totally ready to talk about it. Ok, that’s a lie. I was ready to talk about. But I wasn’t ready to sit down in front of a computer and type it all out. In all honesty, I’m kind of talked out about it all. I’ve talked to my family. To my friends. To my coworkers. I’ve talked to people who asked questions because I felt like I had to explain things and how they could just suddenly end. I’ve talked to people who felt like they needed to talk to me in order for me to be ok. I’ve talked until I was blue in the face and red in the eyes.
I’m talked out.
But I’m ok.
And each day I’m getting a little better.
I know, I know. Everyone says they’re getting better. And then in reality they’re over there like Drink all the wine! Sleep with all the guys! Pretend I’m fine when really I’m a giant ball of mess!!
I promise that’s not me. (Except maybe the wine part. Well, still no – not all the wine.)
I am currently displaced. And that’s hard. I’m living with some friends who were nice enough to take me and the two furbabies in until I can move back into my townhouse. I owe them so much. I’ve been trying to help pick up around the house, help with the kiddos, cook them awesome dinners. So far I’m doing great at the dinners part.
So far I’ve made an awesome meatloaf. Some amazing cheesy corn chowder (Go find the Pioneer Woman’s recipe. Now. Seriously). Tonight was quiche, asparagus, and potatoes. I’ve made chicken enchiladas. Every time I get told how awesome it is. I think they’re appreciating it. At least I hope so.
And I must say, it was pretty awesome to be told that I’ll have no trouble in finding a man who appreciates me. I agree, friend, I agree.
So now begin the interesting adventures in online dating!
Stay tuned my friends…