So I’m sitting here watching an episode of How I Met Your Mother. Season 2. Episode 16. Titled, appropriately, Stuff.
I had to giggle to myself while watching it. The premise of this episode, at least the Ted & Robin part, is that Ted has all of this stuff from ex-girlfriends still in his home. Robin has issue with this. It doesn’t start that way. It starts that they’re trying to find a way to discuss past relationships, then it goes too far as Ted takes it too casual. And then comes the STUFF.
It’s everywhere. Ted sees no problem with it, Robin has issue. When it’s brought up for debate, the men agree with Ted, the ladies with Robin.
And it got me to thinking, and realizing, that I also have an issue with “the stuff”. Robin would talk about how she could no longer just see these as things, she saw the former girlfriend and then compared herself to this girl.
I laughed. I thought to myself “Are women really this crazy about the stuff left behind?” And then I stopped laughing. I started realizing, yes. Yes we are.
I started remembering things from my relationship with Mr. Chocolate. Like the blanket that his ex-girlfriend made him in college, almost 10 years ago. I refused to use it. I’d rather freeze than sit under that blanket. Or the cd that another girl gave him, nope, wouldn’t listen to it.
What’s even worse, it was exactly like Robin said on HIMYM. Those items put images of the past women in my head. I started comparing myself to them. They made me insecure. Why does he still have these? Does he still love them? Are they better than me?
Does that make me crazy? Territorial? Insecure?
No, it makes me normal.
And if you have those thoughts or feelings, its ok. You’re normal too. (As long as you don’t let them control you. If you become so insecure that these items start to interfere with your relationship or well being, that’s a whole different story. And sister, you need to talk to someone.)
Still having those items does not mean that he was still in love with the women from his past. It means that he enjoys that CD. That the blanket served a purpose. But he was also allowing new stuff into his home. My stuff. Things he’ll look back at and remember the times we had (like the paint colors on your house, have fun explaining that one buddy!)
Having something from your ex in your home is ok. We all take things away from past relationships; we all leave things behind also. Some of these things are physical items, like the books sitting on my bookshelf. And some are emotional. You just have to know which ones to put on display and which ones to hide away.