Today is the first Valentine’s Day that I’ve been single in many years. And oddly, I’m quiet happy with it.
You see, in the past few years I put so much pressure on Valentine’s. It had to be perfect. I didn’t expect anything elaborate, but something nice. I expected the day to be all about me. And it never was. In fact, it usually felt like a let down. I often felt like an after thought. I got the “Oh, I was going to do that. But I didn’t.” One year I even got the “I totally forgot it was Valentine’s Day, so I got you these chocolates while I was at the hardware store” gift. Yeah, I felt real special then.
This year, there were no expectations for Valentine’s day. I spent the day with friends celebrating the birthday of my “nephew”, Dos. I laughed. I joked. Ate cake. Cleaned up cake and cat food (don’t ask). I played with kids. I played with balloons. Popped balloons.
I came home and had 3 lovely Valentine’s Day cards in my mail box. 1 from my dad & stepmom, 1 from my mom, and 1 from my old neighbor with a lovely note written inside. I curled up on the sofa with Fatty and The Lady.
It was a perfect day.
I’m not going to lie, I was afraid of Valentine’s Day this year. I was afraid it would be another let down. That I would feel lonely. Sad. Dare I say, single. But I didn’t feel any of those things at all. I felt happy. Overjoyed. Loved. I spent the day with people I consider family. There were no expectations except to make sure the kids had a good time.
I thought maybe I would have a drink and watch sappy love movies when I got home. Drown myself in sorrows. But no, I’m going to treat tonight like any other Sunday. I’m going to do laundry, wash dishes, and binge on How I Met Your Mother (right after I get in some solid cuddle time). I’m going to go to bed at a reasonable hour and read my book. Today is just another day, nothing special about it.
My fear of being alone on Valentine’s Day meaning you aren’t loved will not control me. Because it couldn’t be more wrong. I’m completely loved today. And every day.
So Valentine’s Day, you can suck it. I win this year. Because honestly, even though I’m spending my night alone, it’s still probably one of the best Valentine’s Days I’ve had in years.