I’ve been on the Struggle Bus

I’ll be honest here. Not only have I been on this bad boy, today I feel like I’ve been driving it.

Struggle Bus


Last week I was on a high from doing so good with Weight Watchers. I felt like I had my shit straight. I was in control. WRONG!

Weekend hit. FOOD! EAT ALL OF IT!!! And I did.

Lots of it. And then Valentine’s Day was a bust. And I ate even more.

And then I had the mindset of “Well whatever, diet’s already blown this week, I’ll start over on Thursday.” Whew – big mistake.

Because by Thursday my scale was back up.

That being said, Thursday morning I woke up with the mindset of “I got this. I’m in control. I will do this. I will get back on track.” Yeah… about that. When I couldn’t get home last night it just started to spiral.

I wasn’t terrible yesterday, and there’s still hope in saving today. I just have to suck today up to using all my WPs and move on. It’s ok. It’s one day.

Anyway. Yeah. Yesterday. Poor Mr. Chocolate, I felt so bad for him last night. And so helpless. He has been wonderful here recently. His dad has been working out of town for several months now, so Mr. Chocolate has been running the farm. As well, he’s having to take care of me and his mom during this awful winter weather. Yesterday morning he plowed the driveway (mind you, our driveway is over a mile long through the cow fields). He parked the tractor at down at the shop at the end of the driveway and took his car on to work.

Yesterday evening he planned on plowing the driveway again, since the wind had drifted it shut. The tractor would not start. Just no. It gave up. So Mr. Chocolate decided he’d just head home. We had made it in and out a few days before, should be fine. It’s just easier if the driveway is plowed. Yeah… that didn’t happen. Mr. Chocolate got stuck. He came back to the tractor and started working on it. I picked us up some Subway and we ate dinner in the car.

How romantic. 🙂

After that, Mr. Mechanic Cousin showed up to help work on the tractor. They replaced fuel filter thingies (technical terms there). I was sent to the store to get some Diesel 911 in the red bottle. Yeah, ok? They tried jump starting. Nothing worked. Nothing.

At about 9:00 the boys called it quits. They were both frozen to the core. We were no closer to getting home. So we packed up and headed for Wal-Mart. Bought some supplies and made camp at the Super 8.

In the mean time, I had a chocolate chip cookie and a beer. Not terrible. And I still had points left in the day. I had no fear having those.

That being said, today has been another story.

This morning I started off with a plan. I had a granola bar.

Sounds yummy, right?

And I was sticking with that plan for a while. Until I walked outside and the temperature was -5 degrees. A granola bar did not sound good then. And to top it off, I still had to wait for my car to warm up. But where? Back in the hotel, where I had already checked out of our room?

Nope. I went to Waffle House. I had an omelet. And toast. And hashbrowns.

And then, when I arrived at work after court everyone had ordered Domino’s. I had no lunch packed. I had no kitchen to pack my lunch in! So I asked if the pizza was for everyone. I was told “No. We all ordered separately. You’re out of luck.”

Really? Really?! Gee, thanks.

So I ordered pizza rolls. And I ate too many of them. But I stopped.

I stopped because I got an email telling me that I was helping someone who has been reading my blog. Someone who asked me what a good first step would be. And that reminded me that maybe I need to take another first step.

Oh but I will!

Oh but I will!

So, I will give the rest of those pizza rolls to Mr. Chocolate. He can pack them in his work lunch tomorrow. I will track everything instead of putting my head in the sand and ignoring what I’ve done. And I will take control back over my diet.

It may not have been the best day, but it will still be a good day.


Gym Intimidation

Yeah, I’ve got it.

Big time. I always feel like I have no friggin’ clue what I’m doing at the gym. I feel like everyone is staring at me. Haha – look at the chubby girl who thinks she knows what she’s doing!

How I feel at the gym

How I feel at the gym

But you know what, this chubby girl is rocking it! My gym has set me up a routine. I started with 15-20 minutes on a cardio machine as my warm-up. Then I move to my cardio/upper body/core workout. This consists of medicine ball work with squats, the BOSU ball, and the chest press machine thingy (technical term).

My gym also has this nice little area that you can do your own workout. It’s where they keep the medicine balls, BOSU, and the chest press thingy.

Yesterday while I was at the gym I was doing this awful, evil, cardio contraption. It was like a stair stepper & an elliptical had a love child. It was the spawn of Satan. I got to 5 minutes 1 minute and wanted to die. Then I made it to 5, still wanted to die. I decided I’d do 10 minutes & then switch to something else. Something easier. I hit 10 minutes and decided that nope, it was only 5 more minutes. I didn’t want to look like a wimp so I just toughed it out. I did my 15 minutes on the machine from hell.

Then it was time for my other stuff. The stuff I feel like a doofus trying. I went over the corner, picked up the medicine ball thingy (technical terms, you know) and went to town. I did my sets. A hot guy came over to do crunches & use the chest press thingy. He stayed. He did many sets. I continued my throw ball down, squat, pick up, repeat. He continued. I switched workouts. Raise above head, squat, repeat. Another hot guy came over. Buff. They took turns on the chest press thingy. I feel like a sweaty pig. Huge. Awkward even. Like I had no idea what I was doing.

But you know what?? Neither of these guys paid any attention to me. They walked right by me. They did their workout and moved on. I did mine. I moved on. They didn’t care that I was there.


Those guys didn’t care that I was struggling. They paid me no mind at all. The girls on the other side of the gym, where I was doing my leg workouts & the God awful inverted sit-up torture device. No one cared. No one paid me any mind. I lie, one girl did pay me mind. She apologized for walking out in front of me. Other than that, I was just another body in that gym. Bettering myself.

And you know what. I’m going back today to do it again.