I do. I have a real problem with food.
Can you be a food addict?
I realize that is nothing to joke about. And in all honesty, I don’t know that I’m 100% joking.
Food is my weakness. Oh how I love it. I’m not one who can “Eat to Live”. No, I am one who Lives to Eat. That is me. Food is not fuel. Food is a treat. Food is a celebration. Food is a time to get together. It’s an activity.
Food… is a problem. For me at least.
How do you retrain your brain to eat to live? That food is NOT a celebration. It is not a treat. Food is not a time to get together. It is definitely not an activity. Food is fuel.
Food is supposed to help my body do amazing things. Things like walk. Talk. Workout. Food is supposed to keep me healthy. Instead, food, or at least my relationship with it, is doing the opposite of that. Food has me winded when I walk too much or too fast. Food has it so that working out is an awful experience or embarrassment and uncomfortableness. And food is in no way, shape, or form keeping me healthy right now.
And this became very clear when my aunt had her heart attack. I’ve known for years I need to do something about my eating. I’ve tried in the past, and been very successful with it. I’ve known I have a family history of heart problems. I know that my Papa has had several heart attacks and a stroke. I know that his sister just passed away from a possible combination of heart attack and stroke. I know that my Granny has Type II Diabetes, something that can be controlled, and sometimes cured, with diet. And I know that my aunt just had a heart attack with a 100% blockage at a very young age.
I know that I don’t want these things to happen to me. Sadly, these things are starting to happen to me. Back during my physical appointment several months ago my doctor informed me that I have slightly high cholesterol. 27 years old and my cholesterol was 203. My good was low. My bad was high. That’s not how things need to be for me. That means something has to change.
That change came today. I rejoined Weight Watchers, much to the humor of Mr. Chocolate, who politely chuckled when I told him I’m starting a diet again.
Today I stripped down to nothing and stepped on that scale in the privacy of my bathroom. I am not brave enough to go back to a meeting. And after Mr. Chocolate’s little chuckle, which he claims didn’t happen, I really don’t want anyone to know about this. But I’m tell you. All of you.
As of this morning I am my highest ever recorded weight. I surpassed my previous highest every by 3 pounds. I’m embarrassed. I’m discouraged. But I’m also hopefully and determined.
Today’s WI. 245.4 pounds.
My goal for next week is obviously to lose weight. But my overall goal is to have more good days than bad days. More days without secret eating or binge eating. More days where I finish my meal feeling satisfied versus stuffed. My goal is to have more days where I go to bed proud of my food choices instead of hoping Mr. Chocolate didn’t see me eat those last 2 cookies.
I think I can handle that goal.