Happy Tuesday!

So, I’m attempting this thing again. I’ve tried numerous times without any luck. Myself and a couple other ladies at work have decided to put some money on our weight loss attempts. We’ve started up a little competition. I plan to kick their butts!

That being said, I’m treating it this go round like a total newbie. I’ve order Quest bars for quick grab & go breakfasts. I’ve ordered T25 to start working out at home in the mornings. I’ve ordered new gym clothes from Old Navy, 5 outfits total. I’m going to get new shoes this weekend to workout in. It’s time I do this. Right.

So, I’ll admit the scale. It was bad. Horrible. Awful. I’ve gained back SO MUCH weight. And it’s all my fault. My new WI day is Monday. So, WI yesterday was 235.4 pounds. Like I said, awful. I feel so bad about the way I look. I do not feel attractive at all. What so ever. I don’t understand why Mr. Chocolate still finds me attractive and even question him when he tells me I’m beautiful. That’s when it’s time to change. My issues can not affect all aspects of my life.

It has also become kind of a joke whenever I tell Mr. Chocolate I am going to try to lose weight. He supports me, but he’s seen me fail at it so many times he no longer believes me. I need to prove to him, and myself, that I can. And WILL. Do this.

B: Clif bar & coffee. -7
S: Greek yogurt. -2
L: Smartones & veggies w/ cheese sauce. -10
S: Apple & cheese stick. -2
D: BLT, tater tots, broccoli. -14
S: Popcorn. -3

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Seriously. I’m a slacker…

Let’s be honest here. I was doing really good last month with my WLJ. Even though I totally sucked at keeping this bad boy up to date.

But I have an excuse! Yes, I realize it’s an excuse and I still could have updated. Whatevs.

You take 3 5 week classes, try to graduate, balance a full time job, dating someone who works an opposite shift, AND have a social life.

Yeah. I thought so.

Anyway, back to what’s going on in my life.

I have finished my actual class work part of school. Now all that is left is my Integration Project, which is basically a literature review paper. I have to pass this bad boy in order to graduate. I’m nervous. I’m writing about how job satisfaction effects job performance. Wish me luck!

I also have changed my WI day. Several times. I started on Mondays. And it was ok, but not my favorite. I’m a scale checker throughout the week so it would annoy me to see the scale be down like 3 pounds on Friday and back up come Monday morning. So I changed my WI day to Friday. Which didn’t work either. With my week starting over on Friday it was like a free for all. EAT ALL THE FOODS!!! Yeah. So totally not good. The first week I gained a couple pounds. Which annoyed me because I worked so hard to lose almost 5 pounds last month. And I was totally on track to be 10lbs down by graduation! Then 2nd week I gained a little more. So basically, it was bad. I changed to Wednesdays. I’ve done Wednesdays in the past and it worked good for me. It’s a happy WI day for me. So that’s where I am.

I’m also trying not to drink any alcohol this week. See what it does for my skin/scalp. My scalp has been crazy itchy here recently. Crazy! I don’t know if it’s my skin in general drying out, which alcohol doesn’t help. Who knows. But this week, nothing, not even a glass of wine with dinner. Hopefully I can do it. I think I can. Last night I went to my local hangout for Trivia Night. I had water. I got some looks of “What are you doing??” Not drinking. I don’t want to. Don’t feel the need. I can have just as much fun without a beer.

I’m trying to also cook more. Cooking saves me money. I need to save money.

So today’s menu, since I really need to get back into posting these bad boys.

B: Granola bar, banana, coffee. -5
S: Notta – totally left it at home. 😦
L: Turkey sandwich, cucumber & dip. -8
S: Orange & cheese stick. -2
D: Salmon, quinoa, green peas. -14
S: Popcorn. -4

I still have 5pts left. Which I wouldn’t have if I had remembered to bring my snack & part of my lunch. Go self.

Let’s Take a Walk Down Memory Lane

Sometimes I need to remind myself how motivated I was in the past. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very motivated right now to get this weight off. I want to fee pretty, beautiful, sexy again. I want to fit in cute clothes & not have to shop in the plus sized section. I want to be back to where I was when I met Mr. Chocolate.

But sometimes I feel like I’m stuck in a food rut. I eat the same things constantly. So going back through my Facebook page for this blog helped me realize how easy and yummy low point meals can be! How if I load up on vegetables I can eat so much more food. And how excited I used to get about the food I’d prepare.

I think every so often I just need that reminder that healthy eating doesn’t have to be hard. I need to look at the pictures and see how much more confident I was 2 years ago. And how motivated I was just 1 year ago. Sometimes I wish I had someone to shake me and tell me that I can do this and I will do this. Because I know how, I’ve done it before. I just have to do it again.

So my goal tonight, even though my evening is crazy busy, is to create a yummy dinner. Lots of vegetables, maybe a little pasta rice or potatoes, some baked chicken. I can so totally do this. And I will.

Another big push for me to continue with this & do well is the fact that Mr. Chocolate is trying to lose weight as well. He’s doing great with it. But having someone else rooting me on and eating healthier with me is such a huge help.

***

Today’s Menu:

B: Granola bar, banana, coffee. – 5pts
S: Greek Yogurt. – 3pts
L: Turkey sandwich, salad, 2 clementines. – 7pts
S: Cheese stick & apple. -1pt
D: Baked chicken, roasted potatoes & broccoli, sautéed squash. -14pts

This menu leaves me with 7 points remaining. Enough for 1/2 cup of Edy’s Rocky Road ice cream. 🙂

Biggest Sweet Tooth on Record

It belongs to me.

I should know. I work in the dental field.

I can not get enough sweets right now. I’m craving them like its my job.

Don’t believe me? Last night I had 3 brownies and a piece of apple cake. Don’t judge me!

I also don’t know how to remedy this problem. And its made worse by the fact that I’m a stress baker. And I just love baking in general. So what did I do this weekend? I baked. Cookies and brownies. And let me just tell you, they were the best brownies I have ever made. Ever!

I did give away a large portion of the cookies I made. But I also ate plenty of them. And don’t get me started on the brownies. There’s still half a pan sitting in the kitchen. I will eat one (hopefully just one) tonight after class.

On top of my sweet tooth and being a stress baker, I’m a stress eater. And this part of it all is not going so well for me. As you can see from the 3 brownies & the slice of apple cake consumed yesterday. It’s like my body is saying “Eat it, no one will know.” And so I do. The other morning, while the one I love was up-stairs, slowly getting his butt out of bed, I ate 2 cookies. I knew we were going out to get breakfast. But I ate them anyway. And I didn’t tell him, because I didn’t want him to judge me. Seriously!

Am I secret eating again? And why? The one I love doesn’t care if I eat. I promise. He likes the fact that I’m not a skinny girl.

But why am I feeling the need to do this again? What is wrong with me? I’ll try to find excuses to be allowed to eat. “Oh, we’re not going out for another hour, but I’m hungry now. I’ll just have this brownie… or 2, or 3.” I need to stop this. I don’t know how. And more importantly, I don’t know why I’m doing this again. It’s like I’m trying to self-sabotage my WLJ. I’m turning to food when I’m bored/lonely/excited/etc. Like last night, I was rewarding myself with brownies & cake for each chapter I finished reading for homework. Seriously! Who does that?? Finish a chapter, have a brownie! Finish for the night, have 2! Yeah, it was that kind of night.

So tonight’s goal is only 1 brownie. Finishing my homework and having a brownie. One. One single, lonely, brownie.

It’s going to be a hard night.

Seriously, I fail at dieting

I just do. I suck at it. I have gained back all the weight I lost. Plus a couple of pounds. My mindset is not in it. At least not the exercise part. It’s gross. And I get sweaty. And all I really want to do is sit on the couch and watch TV. I can totally handle the food part of this thing. For the most part. There are times where I crave chocolate, or beer, or chocolate beer. And I might have too much of one, or all, of these things.

And it doesn’t help that I absolutely love to bake. And I’m sorry, some things just aren’t as good if you use “fake” sugar, or whatever.

It also doesn’t help that Dog is coming back to us. The one I love’s cousin was going to take him. After one day he decided he didn’t have enough time to give to dog, or the money. So now he’s returning to us & we’re continuing the search to find him a forever home. A girl from work & her beau are coming over tomorrow night to meet Dog. It’s seriously going to break my heart to give him to them. I know it would probably be good, and I’ll still get regular pictures of him, because, yes, this is a requirement! But knowing I won’t get to see him is going to kill me. Thinking about it makes me want to cry. I can’t even imagine what will happen when it’s time for someone to come pick him up. I will sit and cry. And possibly curl up with his blanket. And drink lots of wine. Oh yes, I feel this is what will happen.

Meet Dog.

Meet Dog.

Thankfully, I have date night with the bestie this weekend. And my job is to supply dessert. I can so totally handle that. The way I’ve been feeling all I want to do is bake. So it’ll be good for me to have that time with her & be able to bake my little heart out.

I’m also hardcore stressing over my class tonight. Last night I had a midterm in my Religion class. Tonight I have my Econ final, a presentation, and have to turn in my final paper. Seriously. Stressing. My paper is completed. I just have to print it out. My presentation is pretty much done, I have to figure out my speaking part, but I’ll basically just take all of it from my paper. And my exam, well, pray for me.

But on a positive WLJ note, I did a 5k this weekend! Not just any 5k, I did the Dirty Girl Mud Run! It took us roughly an hour, and we had a blast doing. But were insanely sore the following few days. Climbed under things, through the mud, over things, in things. I want to do it again so bad. And this might be gross, but I still have dirt under my toe nails!

dirty

 

Can I do a WLJ blog AND a baking blog??

Is that possible?

Or will I totally counteract all of my dieting efforts?

Is it totally dorky to ask for nothing but baking things for Christmas/birthday presents? Seriously. I want silpats, and a rolling pin, and cookie cutters. Things of this nature. I mean, I’m a grown woman, do I really need anything? I’ve gotten to the point that now I have wants again, not needs.

But seriously, baking is such a stress relief for me. I find it so much fun. And relaxing. I enjoy it so much. I love learning different things about baking. And realizing how much I can do. So, except some baking – not healthy – things showing up soon on this blog. And hopefully I’ll be able to continue my weight loss at a fairly steady pace.

And speaking of my WLJ. I’m back down (well, as of last week) to 212. Hopefully tomorrow morning will be down a little more. But it could be up. My body seems to be comfortable here, and I’ve got to find a way to break that. I just have zero motivation to work out right now. My motivation is to learn to bake. And cook. And eat all of the yumminess I create. I need to snap myself out of this. Or continue to find healthy recipes and substitutions to make my food more diet friendly. That way I can eat my yummy, flavorful foods and still eat my sweets.

Eating Clean?

I’ve been reading a lot more about people eating clean.

I admire these people.

The dedication they have. The effort they are putting forth the better their bodies.

Me? I’m relying on granola bars – the ones in the cereal isle, not the vitamin isle. On flavored yogurts. On low-fat, reduced-fat, and fat-free foods. I rely on the “on the go” meals. The quick & easy stuff. The grab it as I’m running out the door & eat breakfast on the way to work.

How do these people do this? How do they dedicate so much time & effort into preparing these delicious looking meals. How are these people so much less lazy than me??

I love to cook. I find it fun. But it is time consuming. I need to start small. I will never be a clean eater. Let’s just put that out there. It’s not me. I will always rely, at least in part, on the easy meals. The quick meals. The grab-and-go meals. But I can start cooking small meals. Even pre-cooking parts of them.

Since recommitting to my diet I don’t think I’ve eaten any frozen meals for lunch. I do eat granola bars almost daily for breakfast, but I pair that with a banana. So I think something I will strive to do next week is cook breakfast. At least 2 days during the week. 1 scrambled egg, with 2 scrambled egg whites, 2 slices of turkey bacon, & a banana is only 10 calories more than I eat now for breakfast – eating a prepackaged granola bar & a banana. Seriously? I can so totally do that. So next week, 2 days. That is all I’m committing to. But I can do it.

This is my start. If it’s out there I have to do it, right?

***

Today’s Plan of Attack:

B: Granola bar, banana, coffee. – 245
S: Greek yogurt. – 130
L: Turkey sandwich, cottage cheese w/ pineapple. – 420
S: Almonds & cheese stick. – 149
D: Pork loin, green beans, roasted potatoes, corn on the cob. – 667